So it's been pretty nice out the last few days, but today its all gloomy. I don't mind it, but its too breezy. Two of our room mates moved out, so this two bedroom apartment is finally peaceful with just the three of us. Carson's brother apologized to me yesterday and has been very pleasant. I feel a lot better about the whole situation. I still get all antsy and want to run, but I have to make smart decisions.

I'm so fucking bored though. All I'm doing is sitting here all day because I can't find a job, and the job I did find doesn't start for like two weeks. I am looking forward to seeing Last House on the Left on Friday though. I'm hoping it will be worth the anticipation. I LOVED how they used that Taken by Trees version of Sweet Child of Mine in the previews. It worked perfect.

My ex (Mark) called me yesterday to tell me he missed my voice and to talk about his new girlfriend. That's so nice of him....NOT. I'm damn tired of being the "best friend ex girlfriend". I seem to be that for Mark and Josh. Its obnoxious. Like, yes I enjoy talking to them every once in a while, but NO I do not want to hear about who you are currently fucking... I'm not jealous in the very least. But, its weird.

Carson is being extra sweet lately. Which is fantastic and also hard. When all I want to do is scream and run, I can't. I'm too concerned with his happiness. Bleh.

Oh, and my laptop is an ass hole.

Oh, and I hate people who spell it LABtop. It's not a dog people, its a machine.

I haven't updated this thing in so fucking long. I decided its time.
Where do I even start?
I'm living in Springfield, Missouri. It's beautiful when the weather is nice, but its terrible when it's cold.
I'm living with my current boyfriend, Carson.
He is very sweet and generous. He's cute. He's really organized and responsible. He's everything I'm not. We've been together for five months and I love him a lot. He's great.
We do have some issues though.
I don't get along with his brother. I dont have a job. I don't have a LIFE. Ugh. But when things are good, they're great.

I feel like running a lot. But I can't. I miss my friends, and I hate to say it, but... I MISS SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. I NEVER thought I'd say that. EVER. but i do. SO MUCH. I miss the foggy mornings, the sand in between my toes, and the weird bitchy cranky people.

Other than all that I'm pretty happy.

Oh and I really miss my mom.

I'm backkkkkk! Colorado was a good thing for me. I got to spread my wings a little and see what it's like to live in snow. I've been back for a couple weeks now and it feels good to be home but I really really miss the snow and downtown denver and my boyfriend.

About my boyfriend:
His name is Mark Daniel Rossi.
He's almost exactly like me.
He's tall and skinny and has piercing blue eyes.
He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me.
He is 18 years old. New one for me.....
He plans on moving out here in a month.
He plays like a million instruments.

As for me, I'm trying to get a job at my mom's office right now.

Call me if you want to hang out, I'd love to see a lot of you.

Things always seem to fall apart for me. And I'm beginning to think it's my fault.

I am for sure moving to colorado in 2 weeks.

Josh and I broke up but he still likes to use me for sex. (Problem being, I let him.)

I moved back home until i leave, but my old room is a storage room/work out room.

I can't do this anymore.

I feel like nothings worth anything anymore. I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have any sense of normalcy.




Hope a fresh start changes things.

And so it begins, Happy New Year people.

I haven't updated in a bit and a lot has happened.

1. I've got a boo. or more I've had a boo for a while now. Josh.
2. I had a birthday.
3. My mom and I got in a fight and I got booted.
4. I moved in with my boytoy.
5. My sister-in-law is pregs again.
6. I got new tattoos.
7. I re-did my monroe.
8. I've been completely sober.

Pretty cool huh? Well Josh is awesome. I'm happy with him. It's weird waking up to someone everyday, but not so weird, i relaly like it, In fact I can't fall asleep with out him anymore.

Boo you whores.

Watched the kings play on TV this halloween. I actually enjoyed myself. It was just me and josh for the most part. Relaxing and such things.

Oh yeah, Josh. UPDATE!

Josh is this guy I met at one of my simi friends' house. He's really awesome. Likes hockey and UFC. Drives a gorgeous truck. I really like him.

He took care of me when i had my stitches a week ago and today he bought me three dvds and plaid slippers just because. Pretty fucking rad.

He lost his daddy a couple years ago so he gets what i'm going through. It's awesome.

I'm still tying to come to terms with the brady thing, but josh is helping.

So everything keeps going to shit in my life, but i'm learning a lot from it.

I am now only concerned about my well being. And I'm going to continue living with that mindset for the rest of the year. I need to.

Today is a good day though. I'm in the valley with kate, ian, nico and josh and we're decorating and carving pumpkins. I haven't had a good halloween since my dad passed away, so I'm really content at the moment.

Halloween is so bad ass. Damn.

Oh and fuck al the people who like to make me feel guilty for feeling selfish. I DONT GIVE A FUCK. what nigga?

K. call me.

Funeral was today. I thought i would get closure, but i feel more lost than before.

I'm angry. Incredibly angry. And I am fucking sick and tired of all the petty problems my friends are bringing up to me, as if complaining to me will make me fee like i have less of a terrible situation. No, actually it just feels like everything is piling up on me.

I hate this. I don't even want to see some of my friends right now. I want fucking brady. I want to vent to him and get the typical brady response of "I'm sorry, want to go grab a milkshake?"

Fuck life. Seriously. Fuck it.

PS. on a lighter note. Thank you guys for your supportive comments. I'm sorry if I'm being distant.

Still so numb it hurts. I cried once today. I feel guilty for not crying more but its like i don't believe it yet. I've been hanging out with people constantly. Smoking 2 packs a day. Not eating. Not sleeping. Its just this vicious cycle i know will continue until i realize he's really gone.

Seriously fucked up.

I want to text him like i did everyday, and I can't. I want to call him for a shake or just to vent, but i can't. I can't do anything. I'm trapped.

Trying to keep myself occupied. If you're available please call me. I need out of my house, it hurts to be here.

If you read my last livejournal post you know that one of my best friends, Brady had a brain tumor. As of a few hours ago I got the news he had passed. I would appreciate it if you all kept his family and friends in your thoughts. Thank you.


A little info on Burr, as i liked to call him. He was an awesome 21 year old bad ass who was a fantastic artist, just getting good at keyboard and a fan fucking tastic hugger. I spent many late nights with brady at jerrys deli or at in n out just talking about music and life. He was the most gentle and friendly guy i knew. Not to mention hella attractive.

The bad info. I was the last person to see brady in full consciousness. We spent the whole day together, we were actually on our way to knotts when he got sick and i ended up driving us back home in his car. After that things went down hill and i got a call at 4am from his brother telling me he was taking brady to the er. They found the tumor that morning and it's been hell since. I'm just thankful i got to spend that day playing piano and watching silly youtube videos with him.

I know this may seem dumb, but writing about this almost feels theraputic

Worst day ever. I woke up to a call from my bestfriend brady's bestfriend that he's in urgent care with a brain tumor and he's in critical condition. I was the last person with him last night.....and I'm freaking out a lot. I would appreciate it if you'd keep him in your thoughts and prayers. I dont care what god you pray to, I just want all the support he can get. He's an amazing and handsome young man who has a bright future. I appreciate it. thanks.

Hope October brings good things.

I'm going to Knotts scary farm in a couple weeks and I'm excited, last and only time i went i had a great time.

I'm infatuated with this guy I've been hanging out with a lot, but it sucks cause I'm leaving in a couple months. Bummer.

Can't wait to move though. Anticipationnnnnn!

Anyone want to hang out? I don't go to school or work right now. Lets make lots of plans.

So I'm back. I've been back since saturday, but I've been very sick with a cold or something.

I cried as sson as i saw california from my window. I seriously find this state the most unattractive place ever. We're all materialistic, superficial, dumb fucks. I can't stand it.

Being in Missouri and Wisconsin showed me how much more the world has to offer. Family. REAL Family. Nature. FOUR seasons. Simplicity. Motivation.

I have a solid plan this time and I hope it all works out for the best. As soon as i buy a car me and murph are hitting the highway and moving to Missouri. I'll inform everyone of my departure date so i can get some goodbyes in.

I adore my friends here, I apologize for being too cynical.

OK. officially broken up.

I leave for wisconsin on the 18th and i'm there for a week and then in missouri for three weeks. Dayyyyum. I'm way excited but I'm nervous at the same time.

Cant wait to see my nana and my KATIE PARISI!

Oh so I'm going to be a pro at darts in a while.

Welllllll. Ryan and I broke up for a grand total of 20 hours! we're back together for the time being, but it doesnt look great.

Me: "Do you really think we'll end up together?"
Him: "Yes. I'd like to."
Me: "Oh."
Him: "Don't you?"
Me: "No. I don't think I'm right for you."

Thats the basics. It's me. Not him. So yeah. I just dont like being happy i guess. Hahaha. Like he's great. He's nice, adorable, innocent. But that's just it, isn't it. I need a challenge. I always do.

Fuck man. My mom says its cause i'm afriad of losing him. Like I lost my dad, like the fucked me up mentally for life. Personally, i think it's cause I need more excitment.

On the up side, I'm going to be in wisconsin in two weeks. Fuck yesssss! Nana!

So people have convinced me to stay in california for a couple more years. FUCKKKKK. i was so excited to move out and start life....but this could be something good and i don't want to leave it. Plus, I want to do hair now. I realized I can't be a good mother one day as a fire fighter. I can't risk my children losing me. It fucks up lives.

Life changes:
-Quit my job.
-Got Monroe Pierced.
-Almost broke up with boy.
-Ovarian cyst burst(again).

Goals:
-Get a GOOD job that pays me enough.
-Apply to cosmetology school in simi.
-Save enough money to leave in a couple years.
-Spend more time with friends i've missed.

Dear Friends:
I MISS YOU.
Love, Katy

Camping tomorrow. Just me and my baby for a day and then jana, carrie, and HOPEFULLY buttons are coming up. Thursday Kate and ian are joining too. It's going to be funnnn!

It's ryans first time fishing so we're going to get our licenses tomorrow. I'm all excited.

Call me on my cell if you want to come up for a night. I have plenty of food and fun for everyone.

see you in four days internet.....

My boy got home from New York yesterday! So happy i missed him too much.

Warped tour saturday, can't fucking wait. Pepper, pennywise, the chop tops, the vandals... sounds like my kinda show.

Oh yea, I'm moving to missouri in august. all by my lonesome. so excited.

Don't know how i'll last with out my boy, but if we're that serious, he'll move for me.

Oh yeah i basically brorke my back. i was bending and i like snapped. hurt. i was bed ridden for this whole last week.

FUN FUN!

oh baby!!! Prom was fun. Danced in the hawk and then drank at the beach.

I loved those fishermen. They really made me happy. i guess the alcohol helped too. I really loved everyone there though, it was a great group of people.

i get my pics up sometime soon.

Update....I have a boyfriend againnnnn. i havent been on here for forever, so basically i thought i'd announce that. He is a little asian kid. I like him.  Life always seems easier when your in a relationship...things are happier and you feeel good and wanted. and the cuddling helps a lot

now please lord, please let me graduate.

New Life has offcially started. No more decieving people. No more wasted time.

I'm working now. Underwood Family Farms.
I'm doing school work.
I'm friends with good people. Fuck the bad.

I just need to work on my self esteem now.